Why I ask My 3 Year Old To Select Her Own When We go Clothes Shopping.

Nurturing the path of self-expression.

Let me explain why this small and seemingly insignificant gesture of toddler-empowerment is quite pivotal in my eyes.

My childhood was messy. My narcissistic father didn’t involve himself in the tedium of the upbringing basics — he was the ultimate patriarch, so this fell on the hands of my borderline, ever-so-bonkers mother. Obviously.

One of the hallmarks of my mother’s personality type is a deep fear of how she is perceived by others. This fear was extended, blanket-coverage-style, to her three children. We represented potential triggers for abandonment so she had to artfully groom us, both physically and figuratively, to prevent her being perceived in a negative light. How we were dressed, how we spoke, what we spoke, and how we behaved were all policed by her bat-shit-crazy mind.

Let me give you an example. Until the age of about 14, I was dressed (by her) in dresses reserved for those pageant kids who resemble a cross between a drag-queen and an ornate barbie doll. I wasn’t allowed to wear jeans, or trainers (sneakers if you’re from the US), and I had to wear those god-awful ankle socks with the frilly bits around the ankle-bone. My face wrinkles as I think of them.