Hello Debbie, I’m happy to hear that you have found some peace in severing ties from your Mother. But the pain never ceases does it? Like you say; we carry it around like a heavy weight that sometimes knocks us sideways :-(
Golly do I forgive her I really don’t know. I think yes to some degree I do – I know that for the most part she is unaware of her behaviour and the damage it inflicts on others. I also know that borderline PD emerges from the ashes of trauma so in this I have a lot of compassion and empathy for her too. But there is a lot I don’t forgive, events, words said and I find it hard to reconcile my compassion for her with the fact that I am faced with so many difficulties in life because of her – for example trust issues, attachment problems etc. I love very deeply but struggle sometimes to allow others in and I hate this fact. But ultimately I am my own person, I have to take accountability for my future and for my own self-growth and healing, even if that healing happens to be because the damage she inflicted. Sorry I know this doesn’t really answer your qu 🤦🏼♀️I kind of do and I kind of don’t basically.
Sending you love and peace.